Who’s Tired of Whining?

I am! So, here’s what we’re going to do today…talk about blessings. My eldest daughter got hitched on Saturday 6/4/11. It was a beautiful ceremony & reception! What was more beautiful however was the love that flowed through everyone in attendance. Family & friends really stepped up for us as 2 families became one. The weather was perfect. So perfect that my niece & I went swimming the morning of the wedding. My daughter wore a black beard & a grill while her fiance sported enormous Hulk Hands during the rehearsal. It was hard to take anything seriously with that silliness. Perfect. The Groom’s family threw a delish rehearsal dinner. They gave us a roasted pig with all the fixin’s. They know how to eat!

Saturday began with a yummy breakfast to fuel us up for a day of preparations for the ceremony. And swimming. The bridal party started getting ready around 2pm, pictures started a bit after 3pm then we all made our way up to the grassy knoll where the ceremony was held. A bagpiper blew some nice tunes. Very neat. The ceremony itself was lovely. The officiant is a good friend of both the Bride & Groom, making it that much more meaningful. Pictures pictures pictures then the reception. Such yummy food! Everyone commented on how good the meal was. Toasts by parents, siblings, friends were really fun. I think mine was a zinger. Can’t wait to see the film at 11!! I presented the Groom with a tie in the MacNaughton tartan to welcome him to our Clan. He wore it the rest of the night. Good boy! Dancing dancing dancing then clean-up then some sleep at 1am or so. Gosh, what a fabulous wedding!!

Breakfast the next morning was again delicious. We cleaned up the place, came home & immediately set to work on preparations for the family gathering at my house later in the afternoon. The place was packed with family & friends who qualify as family. Oh, and food. Can’t come to my house and not have a plethora of yummies. That’s how I roll. As the day wound down & we said our goodbyes to those who weren’t staying with me, I basked in the love & warmth that family & friends share. True happiness. I can’t remember what time we crashed. The Bride & Groom left on Monday for a Honeymoon in Hawaii, a trip the Groom won for his exemplary performance at work. The next few days were all about showing 2 of my sibs & their families some of the wonders of this area. We ended each day pretty dang exhausted but also pretty dang happy.

Now that my house contains only me & Archie once again I have quiet time to reflect on the many blessings in my life. I’m finding that even the ‘bad’ stuff that exists is sort of a blessing as it makes me look more closely at & be grateful for the goodness my life holds. People, places & things that aren’t good for me will find their way out of my life because there’s no longer room for them here. Trials & tribulations (one of my Mom’s fav word combinations) will come & go, but keeping the positive in front of my mind will help me live through them. That & the support network I’m growing through AA. I never in a million years expected my life to be at this point. I miss my old lady Cuddles like mad & allow myself to mourn & cry knowing she’s no longer suffering. Turns out I’m learning that sadness & happiness are easier when sober. I’m one of the lucky ones.

Love & blessings, Mommjohamma

Tummy Troubles & Life

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Today started out well enough. I went to Green Spring Gardens with some ladyfriends to make a hanging flower basket. It turned out lovely, by the way. I was starving when I got home so I wolfed down the sandwich left over from Thursday’s foray to the Natural History Museum. I questioned the wisdom of that because the sandwich had already been sitting out for who knows how long before I had it for lunch Thursday, it traveled in my purse for several more hours & today is 2 days later for an already suspicious sandwich. But, I was hungry & it was there. You know where this is going…literally & figuratively. I was in the middle of making cookies to take to a friend’s party when all hell broke loose along with my guts. I needn’t tell you the rest except to say it took awhile to resolve. So, how does this tie in with life? Just when you think things are going pretty well, BAM, there go the guts of it all. And whatever it is that needs to be resolved always takes awhile. You can throw all kinds of remedies at it but it’s not going to resolve until it’s time for it to resolve. Or so it seems to me. I’ve been learning & practicing this new way of life called One Day At A Time & sometimes it’s actually one minute at a time. Being a patient person to begin with, you’d think this would come easily. Well, you’d be wrong. It’s a different kind of patience. It’s not directed outward for someone else but a personal patience. It involves stepping back & trusting some power other than yourself to help you figure stuff out. It’s that letting go of power that can be an issue. I’m fine teaching others to let go & trust the process. But when it comes to me, well, I thought I knew how to live my life just fine, thank you very much. Turns out I was wrong about that too. It’s gotten me in a pickle here these past few years but even more in the past few months. I’ve had to learn that I can’t control anyone else’s anything. Just like I can’t control Tummy Troubles. It takes personal patience to let the process run its course, to trust that this too shall pass. And if it doesn’t pass fast enough for me, well, too bad. For lord’s sake, today’s discomfort lasted a lot longer than usual. Must have been a pretty ripe sandwich, ugh. I was disappointed that I missed the party but it gave me a chance to get some things done around here that have been waiting to be done. Things I’d put off because I don’t like doing them. My style is to find other things to do rather than what I need to do. Procrastination is a defect I’m working on.

Along the lines of not being able to control anyone’s anything reminds me of a song sung by Bonnie Raitt, “I Can’t Make You Love Me If You Don’t”. It helps me realize that if things ARE, they are. If they AREN’T, they aren’t & I can’t do a dang thing about it. I can step back & wait for awhile & see how things pan out, or don’t. But forcing my will or desires won’t get me anywhere. Darn it. It’s been a difficult & painful lesson. I used to think very highly of my (false) self, “Who wouldn’t want to be with me?” Now I think, “Who would want to be with me?” So many defects, flaws, issues, annoyances. But what I’m working toward now is not acceptance or love from others but my own acceptance of my (true) self & to believe that I am worth the investment. That keeping myself true to me is the important thing. Of course I want to be loved, everyone does, but growing that self love is what’s up these days. I may not be enough for anyone else but I jolly well better get to be enough for myself. The New & Improved MO is being tweaked daily. One day she’ll appear. I hope you like her. I know I will.