Who’s Tired of Whining?

I am! So, here’s what we’re going to do today…talk about blessings. My eldest daughter got hitched on Saturday 6/4/11. It was a beautiful ceremony & reception! What was more beautiful however was the love that flowed through everyone in attendance. Family & friends really stepped up for us as 2 families became one. The weather was perfect. So perfect that my niece & I went swimming the morning of the wedding. My daughter wore a black beard & a grill while her fiance sported enormous Hulk Hands during the rehearsal. It was hard to take anything seriously with that silliness. Perfect. The Groom’s family threw a delish rehearsal dinner. They gave us a roasted pig with all the fixin’s. They know how to eat!

Saturday began with a yummy breakfast to fuel us up for a day of preparations for the ceremony. And swimming. The bridal party started getting ready around 2pm, pictures started a bit after 3pm then we all made our way up to the grassy knoll where the ceremony was held. A bagpiper blew some nice tunes. Very neat. The ceremony itself was lovely. The officiant is a good friend of both the Bride & Groom, making it that much more meaningful. Pictures pictures pictures then the reception. Such yummy food! Everyone commented on how good the meal was. Toasts by parents, siblings, friends were really fun. I think mine was a zinger. Can’t wait to see the film at 11!! I presented the Groom with a tie in the MacNaughton tartan to welcome him to our Clan. He wore it the rest of the night. Good boy! Dancing dancing dancing then clean-up then some sleep at 1am or so. Gosh, what a fabulous wedding!!

Breakfast the next morning was again delicious. We cleaned up the place, came home & immediately set to work on preparations for the family gathering at my house later in the afternoon. The place was packed with family & friends who qualify as family. Oh, and food. Can’t come to my house and not have a plethora of yummies. That’s how I roll. As the day wound down & we said our goodbyes to those who weren’t staying with me, I basked in the love & warmth that family & friends share. True happiness. I can’t remember what time we crashed. The Bride & Groom left on Monday for a Honeymoon in Hawaii, a trip the Groom won for his exemplary performance at work. The next few days were all about showing 2 of my sibs & their families some of the wonders of this area. We ended each day pretty dang exhausted but also pretty dang happy.

Now that my house contains only me & Archie once again I have quiet time to reflect on the many blessings in my life. I’m finding that even the ‘bad’ stuff that exists is sort of a blessing as it makes me look more closely at & be grateful for the goodness my life holds. People, places & things that aren’t good for me will find their way out of my life because there’s no longer room for them here. Trials & tribulations (one of my Mom’s fav word combinations) will come & go, but keeping the positive in front of my mind will help me live through them. That & the support network I’m growing through AA. I never in a million years expected my life to be at this point. I miss my old lady Cuddles like mad & allow myself to mourn & cry knowing she’s no longer suffering. Turns out I’m learning that sadness & happiness are easier when sober. I’m one of the lucky ones.

Love & blessings, Mommjohamma

Tummy Troubles & Life

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Today started out well enough. I went to Green Spring Gardens with some ladyfriends to make a hanging flower basket. It turned out lovely, by the way. I was starving when I got home so I wolfed down the sandwich left over from Thursday’s foray to the Natural History Museum. I questioned the wisdom of that because the sandwich had already been sitting out for who knows how long before I had it for lunch Thursday, it traveled in my purse for several more hours & today is 2 days later for an already suspicious sandwich. But, I was hungry & it was there. You know where this is going…literally & figuratively. I was in the middle of making cookies to take to a friend’s party when all hell broke loose along with my guts. I needn’t tell you the rest except to say it took awhile to resolve. So, how does this tie in with life? Just when you think things are going pretty well, BAM, there go the guts of it all. And whatever it is that needs to be resolved always takes awhile. You can throw all kinds of remedies at it but it’s not going to resolve until it’s time for it to resolve. Or so it seems to me. I’ve been learning & practicing this new way of life called One Day At A Time & sometimes it’s actually one minute at a time. Being a patient person to begin with, you’d think this would come easily. Well, you’d be wrong. It’s a different kind of patience. It’s not directed outward for someone else but a personal patience. It involves stepping back & trusting some power other than yourself to help you figure stuff out. It’s that letting go of power that can be an issue. I’m fine teaching others to let go & trust the process. But when it comes to me, well, I thought I knew how to live my life just fine, thank you very much. Turns out I was wrong about that too. It’s gotten me in a pickle here these past few years but even more in the past few months. I’ve had to learn that I can’t control anyone else’s anything. Just like I can’t control Tummy Troubles. It takes personal patience to let the process run its course, to trust that this too shall pass. And if it doesn’t pass fast enough for me, well, too bad. For lord’s sake, today’s discomfort lasted a lot longer than usual. Must have been a pretty ripe sandwich, ugh. I was disappointed that I missed the party but it gave me a chance to get some things done around here that have been waiting to be done. Things I’d put off because I don’t like doing them. My style is to find other things to do rather than what I need to do. Procrastination is a defect I’m working on.

Along the lines of not being able to control anyone’s anything reminds me of a song sung by Bonnie Raitt, “I Can’t Make You Love Me If You Don’t”. It helps me realize that if things ARE, they are. If they AREN’T, they aren’t & I can’t do a dang thing about it. I can step back & wait for awhile & see how things pan out, or don’t. But forcing my will or desires won’t get me anywhere. Darn it. It’s been a difficult & painful lesson. I used to think very highly of my (false) self, “Who wouldn’t want to be with me?” Now I think, “Who would want to be with me?” So many defects, flaws, issues, annoyances. But what I’m working toward now is not acceptance or love from others but my own acceptance of my (true) self & to believe that I am worth the investment. That keeping myself true to me is the important thing. Of course I want to be loved, everyone does, but growing that self love is what’s up these days. I may not be enough for anyone else but I jolly well better get to be enough for myself. The New & Improved MO is being tweaked daily. One day she’ll appear. I hope you like her. I know I will.

Hello Darlings! It’s Been Awhile…

So, here we are in mid-April trying to play catch-up with each other. It’s been a roller coaster of a life since the last post but all’s well. I’ve been off the Beachbody wagon for many reasons but with the wedding just around the corner, an adjustment is imperative! The dress is hanging in my closet (a beautiful deep pink/magenta satin number) & it still fits, mercifully. I start back up with ChaLean Extreme next week after my trek up to PA to visit some girlfriends. I suspect there will be a few no-no meals during that weekend so I’ll be back at the workout with a vengeance. I’ve been eating way too much candy…until now when I realized this body can’t handle that much sugar & still function with vigor. Twizzlers and M&Ms, I’ll miss you L

Anyhow, back to some recent thoughts. My life turned upside down when I decided to enter a treatment center in February. It was the best decision I ever made which turned into the best month of my life, truly. I learned some valuable lessons & gained some tools to navigate my new life with less anxiety, fear, & adverse consequences. Some of my friends & family members aren’t keen on the New & Improved MO but hopefully they’ll eventually be able to tolerate her at least. I don’t relate in the predictable way I used to. That bothers some people but I like it. My new friends have proved to be essential in my recovery & I suspect they will be lifelong friends from here on out. Other relationships are tricky…I’m not doing too well in that department.

On another bright side, I’ve been out on several photo safaris & have come back with some fairly good snapshots. I’ll be out in the wilderness next week to catch some Springtime scenes. I really need to learn more about the camera before the wedding. If the weather is cooperative, the wedding will be outside so I’m hoping my forays in the next few weeks will give me the experience I need to capture some beautiful pix as my eldest walks down the aisle. There will lots of wonderful subjects…relatives & friends I haven’t seen for too long. I always love looking into the eyes of relatives & see our common ancestors. And to observe them to see how we all move, speak, look like each other. Gene pools are extremely interesting! For the most part there’s no denying my heritage and I’m ok with that…mostly! We’ll see if the feeling is reciprocated :-/

So where am I going from this day forward? Not sure. But it will be a good journey. There will be some fallout, already has been, but through diligence & desire for a better life, there’s no doubt I’ll be ok. Some of you will come along with me, others won’t. But, I’m going anyhow.

My 55th Birthday

I was already thrilled at the notion of being 55, 5 being my favorite number. My friend/Beachbody Coach Richard & I drove down to Bedford VA to pick up a new Beachbody pal, Tammy, so she could spend the weekend with me & go to the Tony Horton book signing. It was a pleasant journey through the countryside, flowing conversation about this & that, some serious, some not. We got Tammy, went to the D-Day Memorial, then headed back North. I made dinner, we chatted, then crashed. As I was getting ready the next morning I heard Sarah come in the door (she always makes a grand entrance!), come upstairs bang on my bedroom door. I thought that was pretty odd as she never knocks. When she came in, who was right behind her? MARY! The little sneak had taken the bus down from NYC the previous night, staying with Sarah. What a GREAT surprise! Truly, it never crossed my mind that she’d be there for this birthday. But, there she was ☺ She knew I was going to be away all day but that was ok. She had pals to visit. Steve, Tammy & I met Richard & Stephanie at the event. We met up with some of our other Beachbody pals & then the fun started. Ira Winkler (our upline Coach) introduced Tony to a resounding hooray. The workout was awesome! I made it through most of it. It was a challenge to be sure. Apparently I am completely lame at Kenpo & got several comments about how badly I suck. That’s ok. When there’s no more room for improvement you’re dead, I suppose. Anyhow, we all had a great day! Tammy & I went to Whole Foods & Trader Joe’s as she had never seen either market. I made some chicken for dinner, we chatted until 10:30-ish at which time I had to go say hi to my pillow. It was a wonderful birthday.

Tammy & I were up early so we could get on the road in time for me to make the trek there & back by 5:30pm. More fine conversations. Sarah had cooked up some surprise birthday scheme for Sunday since I had Tammy over Saturday night. The surprise was dinner at The Tortilla Factory! Oh boy, she couldn’t have chosen anything better for me. LOVE LOVE LOVE Mexican food! She had a silly Birthday Girl crown that I wore until I went to bed. Afterwards we had 31-Flavors ice cream cake. It was one of the best birthdays I can remember.

Here’s something about me: I love growing relationships. This li’l ol’ heart of mine is so full of love. It feels warm & wonderful to give that love away. And those special people in my life who accept it so freely make my world a sweet place. One of the best gifts of this birthday has been the chance to grow & nurture some really deep relationships with people who choose to love me back. You know who you are & I want to make sure you know I love you with all my heart. Thank you to everyone who made this birthday so joyful.

Ireland! (long)

Good grief, what’s wrong with me?! Ireland was months ago (6/11/10-6/21/10 & I still haven’t posted anything on here about that. I have to say that this trip tied for #1 so far. Hawaii & Ireland. Overview: the Irish are THE MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET! Beck & I went over to visit Mar & Beto before they left the Emerald Isle. Below is Mar’s itinerary for us ☺ These are Mary’s words:


OK, I've been majorly geeking out lately and planning everything so we can get a good taste of Ireland. I've already booked most of our accomodations too; We'll be staying at a hotel in Killarney, hostels in Dingle and Galway and a guesthouse in Belfast. I still need to figure out 2 more nights. We need to get from Galway way north so we can see the Causeway. I was thinking Co. Donegal would be good. We were there at New Years and it's amazing, there's also the highest cliffs in Europe at a place called Slieve League that I'd like to check out. I think we should go straight from Galway to Donegal (not sure how long the drive would be, probably about 4 hours is my guess) and stay up there for 2 nights. We could stop somewhere along the way (somewhere in Connemara, maybe), that would mean staying at 4 different places for 4 nights, which is kind of a lot of moving about in my opinion.

Anyway, here's the agenda as of now. What do you think?? Also I think it would be good to get a book about Ireland, so see if you can find anything good at the library or something and I'll do the same.
June 12 Mom and Becca arrive in Dublin. Our place


June 13
Get car, drive to Killarney. Via N7 to Adare and then N21 to Killarney or maybe quickest route is Dublin to Limerick and then to Killarney (4.5 hr). See national park and enjoy town. Maybe see Torc Waterfall, Ross Castle, Muckross House etc.
Booked
June 14
Drive the Dingle Peninsula (Slea Head Drive and Conor Pass drive) and stay overnight in Dingle Booked
June 15
Drive to Tarbert to get the 10:30 ferry over to Killimer, Co. CLare. Then drive up the coast to the Cliffs of Moher. Have lunch there. Afterwards, continue on N67 up the coast via The Burren and Ballyvaughan and Kinvara to Galway. Wander around city and spend the night Booked
June 16 Day trip to Aran Islands. Overnight Galway Booked
June 17 Tour Connemara and Co. Mayo, then onto Donegal.
June 18 Drive to the fishing port of Killybegs and on to Teelin to view Slieve League sea cliffs, which reach 1,972 feet, making them the highest in Europe. Continue through the majestic Glengesh Pass to Ardara. Overnight in Donegal
June 19 Drive to Giant’s Causeway then drive via Antrim coast to Belfast for the night Booked
June 20 Drive back to Dublin, return car.
June 21 Mom and Becca leave :o(


6/13/10 We headed off on our trek around the Emerald Isle, first stop Killarney. Mar fixed the itinerary & I have to tell you that if you ever need a ‘fixer’ for wherever you want to go, she’s the ONE! We taxied to Dublin Airport to pick up our rental car. (taxi drivers share their life stories, like it or not. I like it.) The guy at the rental place gave us an ‘upgrade’ to a larger vehicle since there were so many of us…he didn’t want us to be uncomfortable in the compact car I ordered. BIG MISTAKE! We got a minivan that didn’t fit on the tight Irish roads. More on that later. We headed south to Killarney & ended up at Darby O’Gill’s . Yes, of the ‘little people’! The bathroom was full of mold but the rest of the place was ok. First to Muckross Estate, Torc Waterfall, Ross Castle.

6/14/10 A leisurely morning included internet & breakfast. Off we set to Dingle Peninsula. We drove through Conor Pass which was absolutely harrowing in a minivan. I was struck by the incredibly green hills, cows, sheep, stone houses & fences, beautiful roses EVERYWHERE! Regarding the sheep…Beck said to a sheep “Get a haircut!” To which Mary replied, “You can’t heckle a sheep!” We had lunch in the car at the beach at Slea Head because it was very chilly & windy. We stayed at a charming hostel in Dingle called The Rainbow Hostel. Dinner was in town at The Diner after which we went back to the hostel & made reservations for our stay in Donegal. Hit the pillow hard ☺

6/15/10
We traveled to the Cliffs of Moher on a warm, sunny day. What a spectacularly beautiful spot! We had a picnic on the edge after we hiked up a trail next to a pasture full of cows & 1 handsome bull. Bet he was a happy guy. Beto would walk a few steps & then find something interesting to photograph, take a few more steps & repeated this all the way up the trail. It took him FOREVER to reach us. Yes, he got some fantastic shots. Gas cost just over 1euro/litre. That’s right, I said per LITRE! That evening we drove to Galway & found our hostel, The Sleepzone. It was VERY nice. All of us piled into 1 room with 2 bunks. We did a little shopping then found a neat pub, Taafes, for dinner. There was traditional music to entertain us. We thought about adding the Aran Islands to our itinerary but decided against it after talking with the guys at the hostel desk. They said there really isn’t ‘much’ there. We could use our time better.

6/16/10
This next day was spent motoring around to the beach. The sand was composed of large particles of all kinds of shells. The seaweed was colorful & beautiful Beto must have taken hundreds more pix! We had out picnic in the car because it was pretty nippy out in the wind. We decided to fix dinner in that night. We walked to the market & bought pasta, shrimp, pesto tomatoes & lunch for the next day on the road. Beck, Mar & Beto went out for another night on the town while I zonked.

6/17/10
Beto left us at this point in the journey. Ha had to get back to Dublin to work during the FIFA finals. Off we went on the road again, this time to Killybegs in County Donegal. What a cute name! We dropped our stuff off at the Fintragh House, a private residence acting as a bed & breakfast. We then trekked to Slieve League, another beautiful natural attraction. We hiked to old towers, up & down hillsides, took some beautiful pix. We had dinner at the Tara Hotel in town then back to the b&b to chill. We agreed to mover on to Derry rather than spend another day in Donegal.

6/18/10
Breakfast was delish. A traditional Irish breakfast. On the way to Derry we stopped at Glenveagh Castle & National Park . It was actually built by a wealthy guy from Philadelphia. It was a smallish castle but still beautiful. The gardens & grounds were stunning. We had a picnic lunch before heading on to Derry. Our accommodations in Derry were rather icky. The place smelled terrible & everything was dingy. The bed was terribly uncomfortable, too. Just awful. But oh well, it was home for a night. We took a walk around the old city walls, which was really cool. We had dinner at the restaurant SPICE. The food was pretty good but a bit too salty. Gosh, I sound like such a complainer all of a sudden!

6/19/10
After breakfast we took off toward Belfast. On the way we stopped at the Giant’s Causeway, which was totally awesome! We toured the Bushmill’s distillery. Very interesting tour. Mar & Beck got a sample taste of the whiskey…they hated it! None for me, thanks! Ikk. We shopped around Belfast, got food to fix dinner, watched tv (Kardashians, haha) until 11:30pm when we all crashed.

6/20/10
Bright & early is was back on the road toward Dublin. We had to skedaddle in order to get the car back to the airport on time. I was absolved of ALL damage done to the car! The agent looked it over & said, “Oh, this damage was already here when you picked it up.” Which, of course it wasn’t but thank goodness I purchased unlimited insurance. We were all pretty tired after our circumnavigation of the Emerald Isle. It was a wonderful trip. I could not have asked for better traveling companions. Those kids were delightful. I was relieved when they took the steering wheel away from me early in the journey. I AM A TERRIBLE LEFT SIDE DRIVER & I don’t ever want to have to do it again!

6/21/10
Beck & I tearfully packed up & said our goodbyes, hopped in a cab & got to Dublin Airport in plenty of time. There was a snafu at Newark Airport but we got home safe & sound. Overall impressions/ The Irish people are the most friendly, helpful, delightful set of people I have ever encountered. I’d go back in a heartbeat. I owe so many thanks to Mary for her exemplary planning & research that made the trip pretty much seamless. The itinerary gave us a chance to see many of the highlights Ireland has to offer. And thanks also to Beto for putting up with me & Beck for so many ‘cozy’ days at their place & out on the road. I could be the luckiest Mom on the planet. Yes, I am ☺

Now, to plan the next journey.