Sad Times

Death has always been a difficult reality for me. Yeh, I know everyone gets there themselves one day & we all grieve for those who go before us but I’ve not yet figured out how to process all that. Today was the memorial service for my neighbor/fellow HOA Board member, friend/ally/enemy/stupid little brother-type guy who found his own way to escape this crazy thing we call life. This prompted my facebook status, “Remember to say 'I love you'. Especially to people who don't think they need to hear it from you...again.” I think most of us need to know we’re special in some way to someone(s) & that makes all the difference sometimes. Most days go by & you’re just some schmuck who has to go here or there for this or that & little things don’t matter. But during those times when little things really DO matter, it’s good to know someone cares & that the person who shows that caring gives a good god damn about you. I must admit that I’ve not followed through on some of those times for other people. Still figuring out how. Until now I hadn’t really thought I had any regrets (well, not big ones). This time around I have one, BIG TIME. Not claiming anything egotistical here by saying anything I might have done or said would have changed anything for this fella, but the fact that I didn’t follow through on showing that I gave a good god damn bothers me. In retrospect, he was my polar opposite. Maybe that’s why this is so difficult. Anyhow, he’ll not get a second chance in this lifetime & I will. Who knows where he’ll show up next? Hope it’s somewhere near me. Gonna punch him in the face.